One major factor of mental health issues is the loss of interest in things that matter most to us, more importantly, the things that usually contribute to our happiness and sanity.
Take this blog. It keeps me doing something, it helps me spread awareness, share my story, it gives me something to look forward too.
And I lost interest.
My posts have been slacking and my motivation has made up the structure of a downward spiral, heading toward the pit that is my own self-destruction.
I would call this lack of determination a symptom of depression but I don’t like giving it the satisfaction of labelling it as a disease, like there is something horribly wrong with me. Sure, our head’s are pretty messed up but making me seem like I am a walking illness sure as hell does not make things better.
Rather, this lack of interest is just an effect of feeling shit. It makes sense too. Why would someone, who feels tired, sad, who lacks self-esteem, who can’t find any good in themselves or the world, want to sit down with a guitar and start singing about how great life is?
Why would someone, who feels like nobody understands them, then want to spend a night out feeling anxious and worrisome whilst these ignorant humans dance around because their lives are so great ?
Why would I want to do anything when all my head is telling me to do is stay in bed and convince myself that life is one big lie and at the end of the day, we are all just trapped in this thing we label as ‘life’ when all it is is us working at a job we grow to despise until we eventually lose our minds and die?
And then the spiral has taken over. Everything you contemplate doing spins itself round and gives you a reason not to do it.
And the best way to overcome it?
Just do it.
No, I’m not a typing Nike advert.
It is the only way to beat the shame and guilt that wants to implode in you when you decide not to do anything. The hardest part is straddling over that hurdle stopping you from beginning your adventures. Even if that adventure is going downstairs and cleaning the toilet. Even if it is planning your next shopping trip. Even if it writing a blog…
As I sit here writing this, the passion becomes apparent. This rage, this anger, this emotion inside of me about the expectations of those who suffer from mental health issues takes control of me far too easily and way too often.
My cats are sleeping peacefully at my feet, their paws interlinked and their heads resting upon one another. They love each other. They love their life. They sleep, eat, drink and play outside and that is enough for them. They make the most of what they are given.
I have sympathy for those who struggle to get out of bed in the morning, like myself. Not because their alarm has gone off and they want 5 more minutes, but because they don’t see the point. We get up, go to work, come home. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
One step at a time can change it. I still struggle with my mentality in certain aspects. I still contemplate how things would be if it all just stopped. I still put off plans because I just can’t face them. But this is okay. The first step is allowing yourself to feel this way.
One foot in front of the other, work towards something you have been putting off. Make the most of what you have and find the positives in it. Love yourself, love your family, love your life whatever you make of it.
Be happy in what you do. Be more cat.