Me Time

Putting people first. Being selfless. It’s all something we aspire to do. It’s something we aspire to be. 

I don’t want to generalise but the community of those who are experiencing or have experienced mental health issues seem to all have the same thing in common. Helping others. So much to the point that they neglect their own self-care. Others happiness is put before their own happiness.

pexels-photo.jpg

I am one of these people. You probably are too. But now, I see things in a different light since seeing myself breakdown and witnessing myself lose interest in my own self-care.

There’s nothing wrong with being selfless. Don’t get me wrong. Don’t misinterpret what I am saying.

But there is a difference between helping others and helping others to the point that you do not help yourself.

I met a woman at work who was stressed with her job. She has anxiety, depression and is on anti-depressants. She explained to me that she feels the need to help others, and not herself.

She feels guilty if she has ‘me-time’. 

At first I thought “Wow. This lady is me”.

I explained to her how similar of a situation I was in. As I was giving her advice, I realised why do I not follow my own advice?

I advised her to carry on helping others if it made her happy, but for every two or three things she does for someone, take some time for herself.

The problem is not helping others, it’s the guilt we feel when we do something nice for ourselves. We are programmed as humans to feel bad when we treat ourselves.

This is how the cycle starts. We feel like we are restricted to being all work and no play. How can we help this?

pexels-photo-541518.jpeg

 

  1. Help others whilst helping yourself.
    It may be that a friend is in aid of some cheering up but you’ve already had a really stressful day and just want to relax. So, relax with them. Watch a film, go for dinner, paint your nails, go to the gym. Do something that will not only cheer them up, but will also contribute to helping yourself and your mentality.pexels-photo-919436.jpeg
  2. Work hard, play hard
    We hate having time to ourselves because we always feel like there’s some job that we should be doing. Work hard, get your jobs done in the day and leave the evening to relax. Earn your time. If you cannot sit there without thinking of something you should be doing, then treat it as a transaction. You’ve given your time in the day to be productive, your reward is relaxing. pexels-photo-544117.jpeg
  3. Say No
    This will be hard for some people. It is probably one of the hardest things for us to do. When we are overworked, stressed, or tired, we still feel like we have to keep going. Someone asks us to do something and we feel like we have to do it because we owe them as their friend. Sometimes this may be the case, and we want to help them, we may get a reward of feeling good after we have helped them. But when we just want to be by ourselves, this just feels impossible. Know that it is okay to say no when you don’t feel up to something. Just like you want to be a good friend to someone, if they are truly a good friend to you, they will understand if you are burned out and just not up to doing anything other than getting in bed with your favourite TV show. You need to remember that your mental health is just as important as others. We need to break this obsession with not allowing ourselves time to relax.

Never feel bad for putting yourself first.
Work hard, play hard, and love your life.

sea-beach-holiday-vacation.jpg

Advertisements

Ball of Fluff, Ball of Happiness

3rd June. 

Meant to be the start of change, the start of a new life.

And it was.

For the wrong reasons.

pexels-photo-37728.jpeg

2nd June

I’d quit my job, with the support of my mum who would not let me work one more shift in case I imploded and left this life for good.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I’ve been given meds. Things will be okay…

sunflower-sun-summer-yellow.jpg

 

We go home. Okay, let’s go the gym. I’ll see her after the gym and we will have cuddles tonight.

pexels-photo-612825.jpeg

 

Then there’s screams and tears and I run downstairs. 

And we don’t know what’s going on. And I panic. And I have a panic attack. And Mum tells me to stop it. 

If I could stop it I would. 

And I pick her up in my arms and I try to calm her down. 

And I carry her to the car. 

And she sits with me, lays down on my lap.

I have no emotions. This isn’t real. 

And we arrive. She is taken away. 

He says it will be fine, probably a broken leg. Worst comes to worst, it needs amputating. 

 

Oh god. Amputation. 

I would have taken that any day. 

 

And then we have to leave.

And I tell her I love her but it’s fine because I’ll see her tomorrow. 

So I give her a kiss and I leave. 

 

I would have done so much more if I knew. 

 

And she watches me walk away.

And her last memory of me is me walking away.  Leaving her.

pexels-photo-695644.jpeg

 

3rd June. 7am.

I wake up, emotionless, grey and dull. I pick up her blanket and give it to my mum.

“Give this to her so she feels better and can smell her home”

She nods and takes it. 

And I go to work. It’s my last shift. 

And I tell my co-workers what’s happened and they pout and ‘aw’.

And I keep thinking about seeing her after my shift. No more work.

Cuddles and bed with her. 

And the clock strikes 9am. I’ve only been there an hour and a half.

And my mum appears round the back.

And her eyes are red. Her face is grey. 

And I open the door. 

And she shakes her head.

And she cries.

and I cry.

and I breakdown.

And everyone surrounds me and everyone panics.

And I run to the car and I climb in.

And I panic again. 

We arrive home. 

And the door is opened for me.

And I run in.

There she is.

She is so peaceful and quiet. 

No longer in pain.

Her eyes are open and hazy.

Her paws are bloody and messy.

Her fur smells and is matted.

And I scream and I hug her and I kiss her and I beg her to wake up.

But she doesn’t.

And I cry until I have no tears left to shed anymore. 

If every tear I cried could bring her back, she would be so full of life and then some.

She is laying on the blanket I gave to her.

She never got to see me. She went all alone. No one was there.

Her last memory of me was me leaving. And now she doesn’t know I am here. 

And my world is gone.

and she was a cat. 

a cat.

Just a cat, right? 

but she was my baby.

my world.

And when your world is taken away from you just like that, you don’t feel like you can go on.

pexels-photo-568027.jpeg

And people share their ignorant and irrelevant points with me.

This post is not for pity. It is for those people who needs some tips. 

Don’t give your opinion to someone who doesn’t need it.

Don’t make someone feel like they are being stupid over something you have no idea about.

Don’t tell someone how to feel.

Keep your negative words to yourself. 

To you it is an animal. To me she was my baby. 

 

Never underestimate what someone goes through. 

Ever.

thumbnail_IMG_0550